Other Crap

Tim Nieukirk, candidate for governor of Illinois

• Pat Reeder of the Comedy Wire radio prep service summed up the case: "With no budget, he's running a series of wild, homemade ads on MySpace and YouTube. The ads show him knocking a firefighter aside to rescue a cat, showing he's tough on crime by arresting the Hamburglar, and lying in bed with a woman. "Some politicians are in bed with big business, casinos or even organized crime. But Tim Nieukirk? He's in bed with your sister!" (We haven't had a good, serious candidate who would sleep with your sister since Bill Clinton.) In another, he's in a mullet wig at a trailer park, and before he states his platform, he gets distracted and yells, "Ricky! Get off my Trans Am!" (He's in the wrong state. He could be elected governor of Alabama just for his Trans Am protectionist policies.) Nieukirk claims he's a real alternative candidate using humor to get attention for his serious points, he just hasn't gotten around to putting them in his ads yet. (He'll get around to that by sometime in mid-November.)