Other Crap

Advice to Young Men from an Old Man

My additions to the list:

1. Beware silly spellings. A safe bet is a woman named Susan who calls herself Sue. Probably a down-to-earth person. Suzi can be risky, but might be fun, even with a heart instead of a dot over the "i." Avoid anyone named Soo, Suzen, Sooz, Sioux, etc. For confirmation, consult Frank Gifford. The silly spelling rule is almost 100% reliable. All women with pretentious spelling in their names are trouble, whether it was their choice or their parents'.

2. Avoid all political affiliations. Political systems are identical to religions. They force you to accept things that are ridiculous in order to get mass confirmation of the few things you agree with. Political systems are also exactly identical to racism in that they force you to make preposterous assumptions about people and situations in order to get them to conform to your pre-ordained world-view. This is why Republicans will try to come up with all sorts of bizarre and hypocritical reasons to defend Alberto Gonzales's outrageous denial of the constitutional right to habeus corpus, and why Democrats will try come up with all sorts of bizarre and hypocritical reasons to explain why it's OK to fire 93 political appointees for purely political reasons and replace them with political cronies, but wrong to fire 9!

3. Everyone knows that life's too short to dance with ugly women, but nobody ever tells you that life's too short to dance with beautiful women if you don't like dancing. Do the things you really want to do, not the things that will get you laid. If you do the latter, you will get more poon, but you will end up in all the wrong relationships, and will have to listen to a lot of Celine Dion music, and that's too high a price to pay for poon. If you just want to buy poon, you can always find it available at a reasonable price. And hookers never turn on an Enya tape unless you specifically request it.