Other Crap

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed "admitted his guilt, according to just obtained military court transcripts."

"I was responsible for the 9/11 operation from A to Z," Mohammed said during the session last Saturday. (Link includes the complete .pdf transcript including his written and oral arguments.)

If you read his entire confession, you'll see he admits responsibility for just about all the world's evil, including:

• Thousands of deaths.
  
• Global warming
  
• Setting back the odometers at bin Laden Motors
  
• Shooting that old guy in the face, framing Cheney
  
• The designated hitter rule
  
• Side by Side by Sondheim
  
• The assassination of Archduke Ferdinand
  
• The murder of Mrs. Richard Kimble
  
• New Coke
  
• Leisure suits
  
• Moccacino
  
• The WNBA
  
• Talk Like a Pirate Day
  
• Yosemite Sam mud flaps
  
• Retransmitting games without the expressed written permission of major league baseball
  
• The failure of International Geophysical Year
  
• The mysterious death of Harry von Zell
  
• Steroid use in pro sports.
  
• Stuart Smalley
  
• The No-Spin Zone
  
• Imus in the Morning
  
• The greenlighting of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
  
• The Oprah Book Club
  
• Cop Rock
  
• Mr. Bean
  

Oh, yeah, and OJ ... your hunt for the real killer is over.

Khalid did want to make one thing perfectly clear, however. He said, "I did many evil things, caused many deaths, and never refused anything Osama asked me to do. Except once. Every man has a line of evil which he will not cross. Even Hitler. Even me. I had nothing to do with that remake of The Wicker Man. I told bin Laden he was on his own with that sucker."

"Oh, and I also had nothing to do with Anna Nicole's death. Uncle Scoopy was right about that one. It was a Larry King job."