Other Crap

Best movie plot ever: "A convent in southern Italy is being shut down after a quarrel among its last three remaining nuns ended in blows"

Here's how I picture the screenplay. Angeline Jolie, Kate Beckinsale and Milla Jovovich are the three nuns. Their quarrel is a result of sexual jealousy, because the Mother Superior (Jolie) has been tapping each of the novices without letting the other know about it. The novices find out when they do some pillow talk of their own, and they get hopping mad. They approach Mother Superior, bent on mayhem, each armed with a nun's weapon of choice - the telescoping pointer - the sacred equivalent of a car radio antenna. They have locked up Mother Superior's own pointer, but she's a crafty old gal, so reaches into her desk and produces her back-up weapons - her knife being a 12-inch ruler and her sword being a yardstick. Armed thus, the three engage in the usual Doug Fairbanks swashbuckling, gradually removing more and more clothing to allow them maximum freedom of movement.

I see it as a socially conscious European movie, so there will be plenty of boring, self-absorbed dialogue about the relationship between the individual, the Catholic Church and the modern Italian state. Fortunately, all that will take place while the nuns are showering together.

I can't decide whether to call it "The State of Grace" or "Cunts in the Convent."