Other Crap

Fabio calls Clooney ‘low-class scumbag’

Technically incorrect. By the terms of the Bag Unification Treaty of 1982, he is neither a scumbag nor a douchebag. He fails the critical douchebag screening criterion since he does not play Dungeons and Dragons. Scumbags have a more complex set of qualifications, and they never reveal them because of the Code of Omerta, but I believe they will not admit you into their union unless you carry a roscoe, and Clooney does not, to my knowledge, pack any heat.

Under the official treaty, Clooney is correctly labeled not as a "scumbag," but as a "sleazebag," and entitled to all the rights and privileges thereof.

The treaty was ratified by 105 nations and the presidents of all three unions (Bill Gates for the douchebags, John Gotti for the scumbags, and Larry Flynt for the sleazebags). It was an arduous negotiation to bring the three groups together. The sleazebags get along fine with everyone, but the scumbags and douchebags don't have a lot in common. Very few mobsters play D&D, and very few nerds are made men.