Other Crap

Writers' strike? No problem. Readers Deliver Their Own 'Late-Night' Political Jokes

"The Republican candidates sparred bitterly over abortion during last night's debate as they each claimed to be the most 'pro-life.' Most of the candidates did so by promising to try to overturn Roe v. Wade, but Rudy Giuliani improvised by impregnating three women in the audience." --Jake Novak, New York

"Because of the writers strike, CBS has cancelled the televised Democratic presidential debate scheduled for December 10th. As a result, Americans have never been more pro-union than they are right now." --Jake Novak, New York

"Al Gore met with President Bush at the White House for a discussion on global warming. The White House press secretary called the meeting 'cordial' and noted that Bush even presented Gore with a holiday gift—a snow globe filled with chads." --Bob Hirschfeld, Maryland

"Mississippi Republican Sen. Trent Lott, the Senate's minority whip, announced that he will be retiring from the Senate at the end of January, citing frustration over 'not being able to whip minorties.' Senator Lott will now spend time segregating his family." --Michael Hayne, New York

"Vice President Cheney was found to have an irregular heartbeat during an examination due to a persistent cough. His doctor believes the cough may be due to waterboarding a turkey in cold weather in preparation for Thanksgiving dinner." --Bob Hirschfeld, Maryland

"Rudy Giuliani proposed the concept of a 'virtual fence' of high tech monitoring along the Mexican border. He knows the technology is very effective since his own children use it to avoid him." --Bob Hirschfeld, Maryland

"A new report says that 27 million Americans will jam airports this Thanksgiving... 20 million of them will actually be travelers still delayed from last Thanksgving." --Jake Novak, New York

"Did you hear that Hillary Clinton's decided that if she's elected, she'll have only male interns working at the White House? She wants to make sure that Valerie Plame's cover is the only thing that gets blown." --Barry Rabin, Pennsylvania

"An LAPD counterterrorism plan to map out local areas which might be likely to become isolated and susceptible to 'violent, ideologically-based extremism' has been shelved. It turns out all the cops already knew where Hollywood is." –Jake Novak, New York