Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"How about that Ralph Nader, ladies and gentlemen. He looks like the night manager of a creepy motel, doesn't he? ... He looks like a guy whose compound would be raided by ATF agents. This guy looks like a guy out of UFO documentary. ... He looks like a guy at a gas station who gives you bad directions. Ralph looks like a shady horse track doctor." --David Letterman

"How about that John McCain, huh? John McCain looks like the kind of guy who brags that his new denture adhesive allows him to eat corn on the cob. He looks like a guy who parks his RV overnight at Wal-Mart. John McCain, looks like the guy who goes to the curb for the paper and locks himself outside of the house. He looks like the guy that walks up to the mound to settle down a young pitcher. John McCain looks like the guy who picks up his TV remote when the phone rings." --David Letterman

"No, Nader says his reason for running is that he spent over 40 years as a consumer advocate. I think after 40 years of studying consumers' wants, he'd realize consumers don't want him." --Jay Leno

"I don't know if you have seen this. It's everywhere. They have a controversial photo of Barack Obama wearing a turban. It's been circulating on the Internet. Yeah, the turban photo should help Obama with a key group of voters, the New York taxi drivers." --Conan O'Brien

"Last night in Cleveland, another debate between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. ... When it was all said and done, not much changed. Obama is still favored to get the nomination. I think he proved once and for all that he really does have what it takes to be president of these United States [on screen: Obama mispronouncing 'Massachusetts' twice]. See, he mispronounces things just like the real president does [on screen: Pres. Bush mispronouncing 'peninsula']." --Jimmy Kimmel

"And not only did Barack Obama show he can be president, he also showed that he has what it takes to be married to Nick Lachey [on screen: Jessica Simpson mispronouncing 'Massachusetts' in a variety of ways]. I miss her. I miss them together. I think she'd make a great secretary of state." --Jimmy Kimmel