Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"More and more information is starting to come out about the young lady who charged the former governor $5,000 an hour for her services. It seems she's a singer. And on her MySpace page, she lists Celine Dion as one of her idols. Celine Dion. Of course, the big difference is, Celine Dion sang about going down on the Titanic." --Jay Leno

"The escort service that sent Eliot Spitzer this hooker on the train from New York to Washington -- this was in the paper yesterday -- told her he might ask for something that wasn't safe. He already did. He put her on Amtrak." --Jay Leno

"Did you know Governor Spitzer still has, apparently, a $2,000 credit with the escort service. To which the incoming governor said, 'Does that carry over to the new governor?'" --Jay Leno

"And Geraldine Ferraro has left Hillary Clinton's campaign. She's no longer working for Hillary. She's got a new job in radio now. She's the new sidekick for Don Imus." --Jay Leno

"As you may know, Geraldine Ferraro quit the Clinton campaign after all the controversy over her remark suggesting that Barack Obama wouldn't be where he is today if he weren't black. Yeah. Now, here's the question -- do you think people are more popular because they're black? Think about this. I mean, look at Michael Jackson. Remember how popular he was when he was black? He was the biggest star in the world. The day he turned white, nothing!" --Jay Leno

"A blue-ribbon panel of educators put together by President Bush -- President Bush put these guys together. He's determined that other countries' kids are better at math because we try to teach our kids too much. Oh, that's the problem? We're teaching them too much. Teach them less and they'll learn more. In fact, don't teach them at all, they could grow up to be president of the United States." --Jay Leno

"You folks excited about the presidential race? What do you think of John McCain? I like John McCain. He looks like the guy at the bakery who doesn't hear his number called. ... He looks like the guy who likes to watch the plumber work." --David Letterman

"During a short press conference Monday, in which New York Governor Eliot Spitzer apologized for his involvement in a prostitution ring, his wife, Silda, stood by his side -- apparently, to make sure there are no prostitutes under the podium." --Amy Poehler

"And the service you used was called Emperor's V.I.P. Really? You know, as a rule, if something has V.I.P in the title, it's not for V.I.Ps. If you see a place called the V.I.P Nail Salon in Midtown, you will not find Keira Knightley there. -- Seth Meyers

"On Tuesday, Barack Obama won the Mississippi primary with nearly 90% of the black vote in the state, but only one-quarter of the white vote. While Mississippi's Asian guy is still too scared to leave the house." --Seth Meyers

"In his first televised interview since suspending his presidential campaign, Mitt Romney on Tuesday said he would be honored to serve as John McCain's vice presidential nominee. Which was an odd response to the question, 'So, how do you like this weather?'" --Amy Poehler.