Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"Hillary Clinton was in Philadelphia today, where she told the crowd she is like the movie character Rocky. ... Now, if I remember the movie correctly, doesn't Rocky get the crap beat out of him and then he loses to the black guy?" --Jay Leno

"Two Ohio companies who staged events for Hillary Clinton say that they've been trying to get paid. For weeks they have been trying to get the Clinton campaign to pay their bill, but the Clintons won't answer their e-mails or return their phone calls. Ironically, they even tried calling Hillary at 3 a.m. and nobody answered." --Jay Leno

"On a lighter note, Hillary Clinton announced that her favorite music group is the Rolling Stones. She said they were the first concert she ever went to. John McCain said the first concert he ever attended was two guys pounding on a log with sticks to celebrate a successful woolly mammoth hunt." --Jay Leno

"You know who I like is that John McCain. You folks like John McCain?. ... He looks like the guy at the hardware store who makes the keys. He looks like the guy who can't stop talking about how well his tomatoes are doing. He looks like the guy who goes into town for turpentine. He looks like the guy who always has wiry hair growing out of new places. He looks like the guy who points out the spots they missed at the car wash." --David Letterman

John McCain on David Letterman: "Well, you look like a guy whose laptop would be seized by the authorities … You look like a guy caught smuggling reptiles in his pants … You look like the guy who the neighbors later say, 'He mostly kept to himself.' … You look like the night manager of a creepy motel. … And you look like the guy who enjoys getting into a hot tub and watching his swim trunks inflate."

"The Washington Post reports that John McCain is having trouble raising enough money for his campaign. Plus, every time someone does donate money to McCain, he puts it in a card and sends it to his grandchildren." --Conan O'Brien