Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"Actually, one really embarrassing moment, you see this on the news? When the pope blessed the crowd with holy water? Well, some of it splashed on Dick Cheney, burned his skin." --Jay Leno

"And, of course, Hillary Clinton continuing to attack Barack Obama. Hillary says Barack is an elitist who thinks he's smarter than most people. Is that a bad thing? Wouldn't it be nice for a change to have a president that's actually smarter than most people? Shouldn't that be one of the qualifications for the job? That you're actually smarter than most people?" --Jay Leno

"And today, John McCain said he disagrees with President Bush on the issue of climate change. And believe me, McCain knows what he's talking about on this subject. Of all the presidential candidates, he is the only one who's actually lived through an ice age." --Jay Leno

"Earlier tonight, there was another debate. It was Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton debating. And they've been doing this now a year and a half, and Hillary, honestly, is getting a little desperate. So before the debate, she sneaks over to Barack Obama's podium, honest to God, and buries a Michael Dukakis jersey." --David Letterman

"And coincidentally, today is the pope's 81st birthday. Isn't that remarkable? 81st birthday, yeah. President Bush greeted the pope, and he knew it was his birthday, so he gave him a gift card to Big and Tall Hats." --David Letterman

"And right after the mass at Yankee Stadium, the pope goes down to Madison Square Garden and administers the last rites for the Knicks" --David Letterman

"Pope Benedict is in America! Wooo! He hath done it! [on screen: photo of Pres. Bush and Pope Benedict]. Here he is being greeted by President Bush, the leaders of the two most powerful theocracies in the world. I personally have trouble telling them apart. They're both infallible. They both did some things when they were younger that they wish people would forget. One was a cheerleader, the other Nazi youth. It's a fine line." --Stephen Colbert

"The pope wrapped it up and quickly received some thoughtful feedback from President Bush [on screen: Pres. Bush telling the pope he gave an "awesome speech"]. 'I gotta to tell you, bro. That shit was tight. You totally crushed it, dude'" --Jon Stewart