Other Crap

JOHNNY DEPP leaves a $3,000 tip for a Wisconsin waitress.

Oh, sure, he's Mr. Big Shot, but my theory is that he's only giving the waitress a fish, and that will only feed her for a day. I prefer to teach my waitresses how to fish so they can feed themselves for a lifetime. Despite my good intentions, many of them curse me for leaving the Bass Assassin and Popeil's Pocket Fisherman instead of a few bucks.

I guess they don't realize how hard Popeil had to work and how many years of research he put into miniaturizing the Fisherman into Pocket size. The R&D costs ran in the millions. First there was the Desktop Fisherman, then the Laptop Fisherman, but the damned idea never caught on until he got it down to pocket size, and he's still sitting on all that inventory of the older, larger items. They are right on his warehouse shelves next to his other items which are now obsolete, like the room-sized Mr Amplifier and the tragically ill-starred Corpse-o-matic.

The good news is that you can now pick up a brand new Desktop Fisherman for pennies on the dollar. OK, sure it's actually 100 pennies, but it always seems like less than a dollar when you pay in pennies.