Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"Hey, did you all see Hillary's concession speech over the weekend? Very good. She gave a lovely, lovely speech. She was gracious, very complimentary. And she said she wanted Barack Obama to win, and then she hugged her husband, Bill. Then the Secret Service grabbed her, threw her to the ground and said, 'What have you done with the real Senator Clinton? Who are you?'" --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama took time off this weekend from campaigning to spend time with his family. In fact, he said on Saturday night, he was going on a date with his wife. A date with his wife, Michelle. When Bill Clinton heard that, he said to Hillary, 'We need to stay away from these people. They're freaks!'" --Jay Leno

"As you know, last week, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton had a secret, late-night meeting. They had a secret, late-night meeting in Washington, DC. One kind of embarrassing moment, as Hillary was sneaking out of the house to go to the meeting, she bumped into Bill, who was sneaking back in from a secret meeting of his own." --Jay Leno

"And former presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee is being called a hero, a hero. Did you hear about this? After he saved a man's life over the weekend by performing the Heimlich maneuver. He saved a man from choking. In fact, the Lakers have a call in to him right now. They're trying to get him on staff!" --Jay Leno

"A big question people are asking Hillary Clinton: what is she going to do next? Where will she go? Where will she end up? Is she going to retire? I'm sorry, that's what they keep asking me. I'm sorry, I forgot." --Jay Leno

"There's a lot of pressure on Barack Obama to put Hillary on the ticket. Even his advisers are telling him that Hillary can deliver the woman vote. And, of course, Bill can deliver the other woman vote. So between the two of them, that's, you know, that's a lot of women." --Jay Leno

"Well, according to the Wall Street Journal, a lot of Republicans are very excited about the idea of Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal for McCain's running mate. Do you know about this guy? Interesting, interesting guy. He's a child of immigrants from India. His parents came from India, and he can bring youth to the ticket. And of course, McCain's excited because he wants to learn how to use email." --Jay Leno

"An article in USA Today reports that Barack Obama and John McCain have two very different visions of the world. That's what it said. Yeah. Biggest difference is that John McCain's vision makes it impossible for him to drive at night." --Conan O'Brien

"Now, political experts are saying that Barack Obama is hesitant to name Hillary Clinton as his running mate, because he's not sure what role Bill Clinton would want to play. Yeah. Bill says he's comfortable playing many roles, like boss interviewing secretary, or pizza guy surprising housewife. He doesn't care." --Conan O'Brien

"A high school in Ohio passed out over 300 diplomas last week. And on the diploma, the word 'education' was spelled wrong. Yeah. Officials say the misprint should not harm the reputation of George W. Bush high school." --Conan O'Brien

"Barack Obama is set to enjoy his first weekend as the Democratic nominee for president. He and Hillary Clinton had what they called a secret meeting last night in Washington, DC. ... One of the topics they are rumored to have discussed is Hillary's $20 million campaign debt. Obama may help her cover some of that, but she's still going to be on the hook for most of it. Today, she outlined a broad-based plan for recouping that money. Her plan is to marry, and then divorce, Paul McCartney." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Meanwhile, after Hillary's meeting with Barack, Bill Clinton is now saying it's only fair he have a private meeting with Michelle Obama and Salma Hayek." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Music legend Bob Dylan, who is maybe the most respected person in all of music, he told the Times of London today that he supports Barack Obama. Or at least they think that's what he said, he may have been trying to book a flight to Omaha." --Jimmy Kimmel