Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"Ralph Nader's in the news. Today, Ralph Nader attacked Barack Obama for refusing to accept public financing for his campaign and said that Obama was too closely tied to big business. Yeah, then the guy sitting next to Nader on the park bench said, 'Shut up!'" --Conan O'Brien

"Thanks for coming out on such a hot day. It was so hot, Barack Obama met with Al Gore - just for the shade." --Jay Leno

"According to a Pentagon report this week, more than 1,000 nuclear missile components in the U.S. arsenal are lost and cannot be located. ... We can't even find our own weapons of mass destruction!" --Jay Leno

Do you like good news? President Bush has ordered now -- it's official -- has ordered his troops now to find Osama Bin Laden. Yep boy, he really jumped on that one, didn't he?" --David Letterman

"Now, there's a lot of rumors going on, and the latest rumor, and this is everywhere. The latest rumor is that Hillary Clinton, now that she's lost the Democratic nomination, they're saying she's going to divorce Bill Clinton. That's the rumor. Hillary's exact quote was, 'Just because my dream didn't come true, doesn't mean his shouldn't.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Barack Obama announced today that he will not accept $85 million in public financing for his presidential campaign. I guess he's raising more money on his own, but passing on $85 million, that can't be easy. Just to give you a sense of how much money that is, here are some things you could buy with $85 million: you could buy 85 million items at the 99 cent store, or you could buy Heather Mills." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Actor Alec Baldwin, now he's always controversial. I like when he opens his mouth. Alec Baldwin told the New York Post he would 'do' Hillary. That's what he said. He said he would 'do' Hillary. Oh, and Bill told Alec flat out, he said, 'Hey, if you ever get back with Kim Basinger, maybe we could work something out.'" --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton is taking a a month off from her job as senator to rest up from her campaign. How does that work? Think about this. You've been neglecting your job, trying to get a better job. You don't get that job. So, you take a month off from the job you were trying to get out of, and go on vacation. Huh? Imagine if you tried that with your boss. 'Hey, boss, listen. Boss, I'll tell you, I've been looking for another job. I am exhausted! I want to take a month off. Here's where you can send my check.' Let me know how that works out for you." --Jay Leno

"The trouble that Obama has had with some previous photos: Of course, there was the one of him wearing traditional Kenyan garb. Then there was the photo of him not putting his hand over his heart during the national anthem ... And of course, the now-infamous picture of Obama punching a baby. Now, don't judge lest ye be judged. That is an actual photo of him punching the baby, but nobody really knows what that baby said first. That baby could be a real dick." --Jon Stewart