I'm sure you all know that this is the year of the platypus. No wait, that was last year. I remember because my pet newt was the first runner-up, and I had to keep him on stand-by the entire year in case the winner was unable to fulfill his obligations. I think this year is the year of the roadkill.Did I ever tell you that I was almost The Chosen One? In the 1974 Universal Chosen Pageant, I was first runner-up. I did OK in the swimsuit and evening wear competition, but the winner kicked my ass in the talent category. His talent routine was to demonstrate complete mastery over all time and space, while I sang a song from Naughty Marietta.
I still think I would have won if I had hit the high notes.
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