"The winner was 22-year-old Katie Stam from Indiana, and she’s kind of hot. Which is more like it. That’s how they should decide this, instead of giving it to some homely girl with good grades because she makes teddy bears for retarded kids or brings a dog to the elderly so they can pet it. American pride is at stake. It should be based purely on looks, the same way I chose my mail order bride from Korea."
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