Other Crap

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"Now here's evidence of actual progress in Iraq. Iraq, as of today, is officially open to tourism. Cut me a slice of that." --David Letterman

"You can tell it's tourism season in Iraq because today an American had to duck a pair of flip-flops." --David Letterman

"But I was thinking about this. If you want to take a trip, a vacation, to some place where they've got sniper fire, dangerous streets, a lot of goat-based food, and random violence, just come to New York City." --David Letterman

"How many watched the President's news conference last night? He got a little testy there, you know. When he was asked why he waited three days to speak out against the AIG bonuses, President Obama said he likes to know what he's talking about before he speaks. Yet another reversal of the Bush policies!" --Jay Leno

"Saudi Arabia is becoming even more fundamentalist. Clerics now in Saudi Arabia said they want women banned from appearing on television. So apparently they get 'The View' over there, too." --Jay Leno

"Did you hear about this? Nickelodeon's asking all children to unplug electronic devices for one minute on Earth Day to teach the importance of respecting the environment. I think it's a great idea, unless the kids are visiting their grandmother in a nursing home. Then that one minute is pretty rough. 'SpongeBob killed Nana!'" --Jimmy Fallon

David Letterman's Top Ten Signs You Work For a Bad Company

• Workday begins with a pledge of loyalty to Kim Jong Il.
  
• If you haven't used your sick days, they infect you with tuberculosis.
  
• CEO recently advised employees to fake their deaths and move to Costa Rica.
  
• You spend a lot of time opening for Deep Purple (Sorry, that's a sign you work for Bad Company, the band.)
  
• Corporate logo is a handcuffed executive being put in a police cruiser.
  
• Company gave George W. Bush $7 million for his memoirs