Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"President Obama is visiting Mexico this week, where he's talking to President Calderon about poverty, drugs and violence. When he's done with that, he plans on talking about the problems in Mexico, too." --Jay Leno

"Secretary of State Hillary Clinton says the United States is now ready to talk to Cuba. You know what that means? Apparently, we are already interviewing replacements for Texas." --Jay Leno

"More bad economic news. Southwest Airlines announced they lost $91 million in the first quarter. Now they say they're going to have to start cutting back. Cutting back? Have you ever flown Southwest, huh? What, are they taking the glass out of the windows?" --Jay Leno

There are more and more states now where you can get married if you are a gay couple. For example, Vermont, gay couples can get married in Vermont. So that's good news for Ben and Jerry." --David Letterman

"The Obama family finally got their dog, a Portuguese water dog. And they have named the dog Bo. And so far, the training of the house-breaking has gone pretty well. The dog has not made any messes, not chewed any furniture. So already he's ahead of Dick Cheney." --David Letterman

"Ashton Kutcher, apparently, has been going it with CNN. He has been competing with them to see who can get to a million followers on Twitter first. I guess Ashton and CNN have been rivals since high school. Ashton won the race, and there was some back talk, some smack talk between him and Larry King, all in good fun. He and Larry are friends, their wives are the same age." --Jimmy Kimmel

"They're very competitive, and Ashton came out on top, so one million people are now following Ashton Kutcher's Tweets. Why would anyone want to be Ashton Kutcher's online friend? Haven't they seen what he does to his friends in real life? When a wrecking ball comes crashing through the windshield of your Honda Accord, don't be surprised. It was probably your new friend." --Jimmy Kimmel