Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

"Great to be back. As you know, I was sick for two days last week. Had to go to the hospital after I ate a raw pig a friend brought back from Mexico." --Jay Leno

"But you learn a lot about the system. You know, like, people say, 'Oh, where do hospitals get the nerve to charge $10 for an aspirin?' See, this is why President Obama wants to do something about healthcare in this country. See, under his plan, hospital aspirin only costs a dollar maximum. Of course, there would be a $9 tax on it." --Jay Leno

"I wasn't that sick, but some people are, because of this swine flu, which has knocked the torture stuff right off the front page. You notice that? So, it's obvious who is spreading the swine flu. Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno

"Oh, on Friday, President Obama was taken to a secure location in the White House after a single engine plane strayed over White House air space. As a precaution, they took the President to a place in the White House nobody even knew existed -- Joe Biden's office." --Jay Leno

"Next month in Canada, former President George W. Bush and former President Bill Clinton will have a debate. They're gonna debate each other. The topic will be, 'which is better, getting in bed with big oil or big women?" --Jay Leno

"Now, here's the difference between President Obama and our previous Democratic president, President Clinton. President Obama enjoyed playing a round of golf. President Clinton just enjoyed playing around." --David Letterman

"There's no denying it, folks. The nation is in something of a panic right now. Swine flu has America on edge on a lot of different levels. But know, folks, there's absolutely no reason ... to be too upset. I say we should have seen this thing coming, but too many people laughed off these terrifying words of warning [on screen: Porky the Pig saying 'That's all, folks!']. I call him Porky the Prophet. I'd be far more comfortable with coyote flu. Somehow that never manages to kill you. I guess it's time to admit that Jews and Muslims were right about the whole pig thing. That hurts." --Stephen Colbert