Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"There are some people who are saying that maybe Dick Cheney is setting himself up to actually run for president. You know, it makes sense. Republicans are looking for fresh blood, and Cheney just drank some yesterday." --Bill Maher

"They put a provision in the credit card bill to let people carry guns in national parks. So when you're buried under a mountain of debt, at least you have a scenic place to go kill yourself." --Bill Maher

"Osama bin Laden's former cook -- I believe his name was Goatgang Puck if I'm not mistaken -- is coming to New York to face charges. You know, we also got his driver. And here's the good news. I understand we're closing in on his pool boy and his aroma therapist. Yeah, we are closing the net." --Jay Leno

"After a report that he called for shutting down Facebook in his country, the president of Iran, is now denying he ordered a ban on Facebook. He said, no, he did not. You know? That shows you the real power in the world is these days. Here's a guy who admits calling for the destruction of Israel, openly supports terrorism, denied the Holocaust, and then he's accused of shutting down Facebook. 'Nuh-uh! No way, not me.'" --Jay Leno

"A new pentagon report says that 1 in 7 inmates released from Guantanamo Bay has gone back to terrorism. The other 6 are working in customer service." --Jay Leno

"Have you heard about North Korea? They've detonated an underground nuclear weapon today, so I guess they'll be ready if they're ever attacked by gophers." --Jimmy Fallon

"Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is in Shanghai to debate climate change with Chinese government officials. I think she'll do fine because these negotiations always come down to whoever blinks first." --Jimmy Fallon

"Honolulu just conducted our nation's first all-digital election. This is so cool. No voting booths, people cast their votes online. Everyone here at 'Late Night' would like to congratulate Honolulu's new mayor, a piano-playing cat." --Jimmy Fallon