Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"Talk about a guy who won't go away. How about Osama bin Laden? I mean, come on. Come on with this guy. And there's another one of those aggravating tapes that he sends out from time to time and they put them on the Al Jazeera network. There's a new tape and people say, 'Well, how do we know this is a current tape?' Well I'll tell you how you can tell that this is a current tape. At the end of the tape, he wishes Jay luck on the new 10 p.m. show." --David Letterman

"And in the new tape, it's a long, crazy man, lunatic rant condemning President Obama. Oh no, wait a minute, that's Cheney. That was Cheney doing that. Very strange tape from Osama bin Laden. He claims that 'American Idol' was fixed, number one. And then he demands the release of Phil Spector." --David Letterman

"How about that Dick Cheney? He's really quite busy here lately. He's talking. He says now that Saddam Hussein, listen to this, think about this, Saddam Hussein, who used to be the guy running the show there in Iraq, said Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11. Whoa. And to get that information, Cheney admits that he had to waterboard himself." --David Letterman

"Sooner or later, every president has to go to the Middle East. President Bush went to negotiate agreements on oil prices. President Clinton went to negotiate agreements on oil wrestling." --Craig Ferguson

"Actually, Vice President Biden was here in New York yesterday and bought a designer suit at Barney's for $2,400. I know. It's a lot but it's high quality material, made from the same fabric as his hair." --Jimmy Fallon

"A new poll shows that Americans have a more negative view of Muslim countries now than back in 2002. That's because the media never reports any of the good bombings." --Jimmy Fallon

"As part of their restructuring plan, General Motors is selling off an entire division to a Chinese company. The new division will be called General Tso's Motors." --Jimmy Fallon

"Have any of you been watching this show, 'Inside the Obama White House'? It's a reality show, set in the White House. Twenty five women and Brian Williams compete for Barack Obama's love. And Congress votes them out one by one." --Jimmy Kimmel

David Letterman's Top Ten Signs It's Time For Kim Jong-Il to Retire

• Recently spent 11 hours interrogating a coat rack.
  
• 9. Instead of "dear leader" now insists on being called "Petey."
  
• 8. Hasn't stopped sobbing since Susan Boyle lost.
  
• 7. Plans to spend summer following Coldplay.
  
• 6. Eager to appear in new reality show, "I'm a murderous dictator...get me out of here!"
  
• 5. Hardly ever updates his erotic blog.
  
• 4. Spends all day watching classic episodes of "Miami Vice" on Hulu.
  
• 3. Hinting he wants to play quarterback for the Vikings.
  
• 2. Republic already named his successor, Conan Jong-il.
  
• 1. Having trouble getting his missile off the ground, if you know what I'm sayin'
  

"Despite opposition from the public, President Obama says he's determined to close the prison at Guantanamo Bay. To make sure Guantanamo Bay closes, Obama said the new warden will be the CEO of General Motors." --Conan O'Brien

"Hey, how about General Motors? Oh, my gosh. It's crazy what's going on. General Motors, bankrupt. Biggest corporation in the world and now they still want money. They still want billions more bailout money. I think I speak for all Americans when I say, 'You want more money? Wait here while I talk to the manager. I'll be right back." --David Letterman

"Hey, there’s a big story out of Washington. The President went on a date. We haven’t seen this since the Clinton Administration. But this was different. The President went on a date with his wife." --Craig Ferguson

"North Korea's Kim Jong-Il selected his 26-year-old son, Kim Jong-Un, as the next leader of North Korea. The selection process went like this, 'Hey, who's up for a vote? Just kidding, my son's going to do it.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"I'm so glad to see things working out for Lil' Kim." --Jimmy Fallon