Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"So now it turns out that Dick Cheney, while he was Vice President, had a private deal going with the CIA And he goes to the CIA -- and those guys are pretty good at keeping a secret -- and he goes to the CIA, and he says, 'Boys, this will just be between you and me. We're going to run our own antiterrorism program. You and me. Don't tell Congress.' Eight years this was going on. And when I heard this, I said to myself, 'Gosh, that doesn't sound like the Dick Cheney I know.'" --David Letterman

"Today, the confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor got under way. And, of course, people have opinions on both sides. Critics of Judge Sotomayor claim that she has a bias against white people. But this morning, she proved them wrong by showing up at the hearings wearing a Coldplay t-shirt and carrying a yoga mat." --Conan O'Brien

David Letterman's Top Ten Dick Cheney Excuses

• 10. Was going to make it public, but then I remembered I'm an evil bastard.
  
• 9. It was so secret, I didn't even tell myself about it.
  
• 1. C'mon. If I announced every evil thing I did, I wouldn't have time to shoot old guys in the face
  

"I don't know if you're following this, but earlier today, in Vatican City, President Obama had a historic meeting with Pope Benedict XVI. … Or, as Fox News is reporting it, 'Obama Caught With Old Man in Dress.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Obama had a private, 35-minute meeting at the Vatican with Pope Benedict. That's right, folks, the man considered by many followers to be infallible had a meeting with Pope Benedict." --Conan O'Brien

"Of course, the President's in Africa now. This is a big story. CNN's Anderson Cooper landed an exclusive interview with President Obama in Ghana. … So now, Obama's challenge will be to somehow pick Anderson Cooper out of a crowd of Africans." --Conan O'Brien

"Bristol Palin's former fiance, Levi Johnston, told the press that he thinks Sarah Palin stepped down as governor so she could cash in on fame. Levi made this accusation while hosting a party in the Hamptons for Tommy Bahama dark rum." --Conan O'Brien

"But Ruth Madoff -- listen to this -- Ruth lost her house, lost her car; has lost her savings. I mean, I'm telling you, it's like being a Bernie Madoff client." --David Letterman

"Latest rumor in the entertainment industry is that Sarah Palin may be getting her own TV show. Experts say it will be perfect for TV viewers who find Paula Abdul too coherent." --Conan O'Brien

"Today, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said she sees no need for a House resolution in praise of Michael Jackson. Pelosi added, 'Isn't it enough that I'm slowly starting to look like him?'" --Conan O'Brien

"Now how about this guy? That Osama bin Laden, what a guy. And turns out now his first wife -- and he had, like, 30 or 40 wives -- well, his first wife has written a book about being married to a bin Laden. And she says that she suspected the marriage was in trouble when he told her he was going for a hike on the Appalachian Trail." --David Letterman

"Najwa is her name, Najwa, and she said they had a lovely wedding. Friends got together and tied tin cans to the back of their camel." --David Letterman

"World leaders pledged to stop global warming. They said, 'Yeah we got to stop global warming.' And they all said, 'Yes, absolutely.' Then they got on their private planes and flew home. So that'll nip that in the bud." --David Letterman