"I don't know if you saw it Friday. That whole -- people thought the 6-year-old kid was in the balloon. I mean, it was so tense, Maria Shriver put down her cell phone while driving, and picked up her Sony TV Watchman to watch." --Jay Leno
"President Obama announced he wants to give every senior citizen $250 next year. Unless you're a senior citizen working on Wall Street, then you get $250 million." --Jay Leno
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