No oral sex, says ute crash waitress - Northern Territory News

Best newspaper story ever: "No oral sex, says ute crash waitress"

This makes you wish you lived in Darwin, just to be near towns named Humpty Doo, and to read the lively articles in the Northern Territory News, a sample of which follows below.

"I was not sucking his dick - and it's pretty obvious that wasn't the case ... you only have to look at the mark on my chest. Clearly I had my seatbelt on, so it's impossible that I'd be leaning over sucking his dick unless he is hung like a donkey or I've got a fucking rubber neck. If it was true I'd just cop it sweet and think 'how embarrassing, I got caught sucking someone's dick' - but it is not true and that's what is pissing me off. It didn't happen like that at all - he was just going too fast."