Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"Welcome to New York City. Beginning Monday, you know who's going to be here? Khalid Sheikh Mohammed will be here. He's going on trial. And the time that he's in New York City, he's going to be very busy. Monday, for example — Monday morning — he'll be on the 'Today Show,' singing 'I Dreamed a Dream.' Very busy schedule. He's not coming on this show, apparently because of a joke I made about his daughter." -David Letterman

"Here's great news. The United States Senate unveiled its healthcare bill. Listen to this: $849 billion, 2,000 pages. Whooo! Sounds like a Donald Trump prenup." -David Letterman

"President Obama said he probably won't read Sarah Palin's new book, because she'll sell enough copies without him. Meanwhile, President Bush said he probably won't read Sarah Palin's book, because it's a book." -Jimmy Fallon

"One week 'til Thanksgiving. Very excited about that. Back in Washington, our congressional leaders all preparing for the big Thanksgiving meal. I read today Nancy Pelosi already taking her turkey in to have its neck tightened up." -Jay Leno

"The U.S. Postal Service announced this week that it lost $3.8 billion this year. Here's the worst part: they lost it in the mail." -Jay Leno

"Hey, President Obama was in South Korea today, discussing what to do about Iran's nuclear ambitions. And he said he plans to, quote, 'indicate our seriousness to Iran.' Obama plans to indicate our seriousness by having our next message to Iran read aloud by James Earl Jones." –Conan O'Brien

"Earlier this week — this is crazy — the country's first marijuana cafe opened up, which not only sells medical marijuana, but also has a restaurant where customers can eat. In a related story, the recession is over." –Conan O'Brien