Other Crap

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"President Obama's daughter Sasha says that she already bought her dad's gift. She won't say what it is but she did say, 'It's something he likes.' Which begs the question: How did an 8-year-old get her hands on a carton of Marlboro Lights?" Conan O'Brien

"According to a recent report, due to the recession, Americans are eating cheap, unhealthy, fatty foods. So apparently, the recession started in 1957." ?" Conan O'Brien

"Traffic is bad, the holiday with the gridlock. All major arteries are clogged. It's like Dick Cheney." David Letterman

"The wife of Al Qaeda's second in command is now calling on women to become suicide bombers. To qualify, they must be able to push a car loaded with explosives, because, as you know, women aren't allowed to drive over there." Jay Leno

"It looks like Democrats have their 60 votes for healthcare. Harry Reid said the bill will save us hundreds of millions of dollars. Well, it would have, except for the hundreds of millions of dollars we had to pay to buy the 60 votes." Jay Leno

"Former President Bush is currently working on his memoirs and he said he's completed about 85 percent. His exact quote was, 'I'm halfway done.'" Conan O'Brien

"The healthcare bill won't have a public option. But Obama was like, 'The public option is not the most important aspect' of the healthcare bill because 'only a few million people' would benefit from it. And then a few million people were like 'Ummm . . . we can hear you.'" Jimmy Fallon