Gerard Depardieu sparks race row after he darkens skin and wears black wig to play mixed race author Alexandre Dumas | Mail Online

Gerard Depardieu will play Alexandre Dumas in blackface

To make matters worse, the script portrays Dumas' all-white assistant as the real genius behind his books. (The dark-complected Dumas was 1/4 African, the grandson of a Haitian slave.)

The people who complain are apparently not aware of Le Amendment XXI to the French constitution, which requires all fat French people in movies to be played by Gerard Depardieu, irrespective of gender or race. In fact, Le Amendment XXIII specifically stipulates that if a French film script consists solely of thin roles, a lard-ass must be added, or one of the existing parts must be altered to the extent necessary to cobble Depardieu into the film. The penalty for making a French film without Depardieu is either the guillotine or exile to a cheese-free nation.

By the way, I have used the term "lard-ass" because that is the preferred nomenclature in France, dude. It's a literal translation of the specific term used in the French constitution: "les fesses d'saindoux." If Depardieu were a U.S. citizen, I would naturally refer to him in the politically correct manner, as a Crisco-American.