"Spring training started. And the Phillies, look out for the Phillies. They get this guy, Roy Halladay, the best pitcher in all of baseball. But listen to this, the Mets, very competitive. You know who they signed? They signed that guy who threw the shoes at President Bush." David Letterman
"How is it that the Olympics can hand out 250 medals in a few weeks? It takes 'American Idol' 58 weeks to pick one karaoke singer." Jimmy Kimmel
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