Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"Here in California, our attorney general said he's going to investigate whether a university foundation that hired Sarah Palin to give a speech violated public disclosure laws. They had some controversy. Some students found her contract rider in a dumpster. That is a list of demands a performer has when they appear somewhere. Usually you see them for, like, rock stars, but Sarah Palin has one, I guess. Among other things, Palin's rider requires two first-class tickets from Alaska or a private jet from Alaska, nothing smaller than a Lear 60, and it has to have a window she can shoot out of." –Jimmy Kimmel

"She has to have three hotel rooms, a wooden podium, not plexiglass, two bottles of water, and best of all, I think, a supply of bendable straws. This is a complicated woman. On one hand, you know, she'll blow a moose's head off at 300 yards, but on the other, bendy straws." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Tomorrow, President Obama will be in Florida to announce his vision for America's space program. The rumor is that he is going to reverse President Bush's space policy, which centered on sending a giant caulk gun to the moon to fill all the craters up." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama is launching a new $6 billion space policy that will ultimately take astronauts to Mars. Of course, it's $6 billion and $45 if the astronauts have a carry-on." –Jimmy Fallon

"Obama says the new $6 billion program will let us engage in deeper space exploration, while Biden says this will let us engage in open dialogue with Alf." –Jimmy Fallon

"A pecan tree can live for 300 years and when they're old and gnarled, they can still bear fruit. They're like the tree world's Larry King." –Craig Ferguson

"The Pentagon says that Al Qaeda is now in financial ruin. They should have seen it coming. You know who's in charge of the finances? Osama ben Bernanke." –Jay Leno