Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Jokes Updated

"BP ordered 32 oil-separating machines designed by Kevin Costner. Costner said, all along, a voice kept telling him, 'If you build it and there's a huge oil spill and the oil company and government have absolutely no idea whatsoever how to clean it up, they will come.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"You know it's a real catastrophe when our biggest hope is Kevin Costner. I'm not kidding. Costner spent millions of his own money to develop a water-cleaning system that soaks up oil-tainted water and spins it around and pumps out pure water at the other end. Director James Cameron is also helping out. He offered up his fleet of private submarines. If he's serious about cleaning up the spill, why doesn't he soak it up with his 'Avatar' money?" –Craig Ferguson

"While he was in Mississippi yesterday, President Obama ate mini crab cakes, fried shrimp and shrimp salad sandwiches to show Americans that seafood from the Gulf Coast is safe to eat. And if you don't believe Obama ate all that stuff, just ask our new president, Joe Biden. He'll tell you." –Jimmy Fallon

"You know something, if the oil industry could suck up oil the way they suck up to Congress, the gulf would have been cleaned up a month ago." –Jay Leno

"Well, it seems the United States has found over $1 trillion of untapped mineral deposits in Afghanistan. And here's the great part. The country comes pre-invaded." –Jay Leno

"And besides the deposits of iron, copper, cobalt and gold, they found the largest deposit of lithium ever discovered; most of it on land controlled by tribal communities. Wait a minute. Wasn't that the plot of 'Avatar'?" –Jay Leno