"I thought Levi Johnston was a weasel. Looking back, the problem isn't that he refused to wear a condom. The problem is his father didn't wear a condom."
"The Senate has confirmed Elena Kagan for the Supreme Court. She now has a job for life. Just like Lindsay Lohan's probation officer."
"There's a new iPhone app that lets you call your Facebook friends from your phone. Of course, I only got on Facebook so I wouldn't have to call these people."
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