Other Crap

This story is not from a satire site: "Russians urged to smoke, drink more"

Yeah, that's the ticket. My in-laws are Russian, and I have been studying Russian at the local college, and I've been able to come to two major conclusions: (1) Russians need larger hats; (2) Russians just don't smoke and drink enough. The following is a quote from a legit newspaper:

"Smoke and drink more, Russia's finance minister Alexei Kudrin urged citizens on Wednesday, explaining that higher consumption would help lift tax revenues for spending on social services. 'If you smoke a pack of cigarettes, that means you are giving more to help solve social problems such as boosting demographics, developing other social services and upholding birth rates,' Kudrin said, quoted by the Interfax news agency. 'People should understand: Those who drink, those who smoke are doing more to help the state.'"