Behold the First Wonderfully Bad Sentences from Snooki's Novel

Dust off a Pulitzer: Snooki's Novel Hits the Shelves

Who would have dreamed that she would write a transcendent Faulkneresque meditation on Western history's cowardly repression of the Armenian holocaust? Forget the Pulitzer. This is Nobel territory. Maybe a double Nobel: literature and the peace prize.

Oh, wait. It's actually about a plump little guidette with big hair who likes cussing and drunken screwing. My bad. Some classic lines:

Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a 'roid rage, it is a 'road' 'roid rage.

Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.