Our rights trampled again. Leesburg city officials want to ban Jello and pudding wrestling matches

Leesburg city officials want to ban Jello and pudding wrestling matches.

"Some vendors that sell alcohol planned to hold wrestling matches involving desserts. Officials plan to ban them"

Our founding fathers seem to have screwed the pooch on that one. When they were guaranteeing our right to worship and speak as we please, how could they have failed to secure our right to sexy dessert-inspired combat? Isn't that the most fundamental of our human rights? Isn't dessert-based wrestling ultimately what distinguishes free peoples from those under the yoke of tyranny, and prosperous nations from the downtrodden and impoverished?

There's only one sensible solution. If they can't wrestle in desserts, they'll have to do it in Wesson Oil. Corn and canola aren't desserts, right? In fact, I have no idea what canola is, but I can't remember ever seeing any Canola Pie or Canola Mousse on the dessert menu. Isn't that some crap hippies eat for breakfast, instead of eating Captain Crunch as the Good Lord intended?