"Justees? I Speet on Your So-Called Justees"

"Justees? I speet on your so-called justees. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

iowahawk says: "Found! Under a hors d'oeuvres tray at a Tina Brown cocktail party, the first draft of Bernard Henri-Levy's Daily Beast cri de coeur on behalf of his ami Dominique Strauss-Kahn."

If you haven't been following the case of the French head of the IMF who is accused of forcing himself on a hotel maid, here are some of the juicy details:

Strauss-Kahn first floated a trail balloon alibi that he was having lunch with his daughter when the alleged assault occurred. I presume he was hoping to establish a "my word against hers" defense, and was assuming his daughter would back him up.

As it turns out, it's a good thing for him that the police didn't keep any secrets about their evidence, because his initial strategy could have resulted a perjury charge against the daughter. The maid told police that she spit out his semen after he forced her to perform oral sex on him, and showed them exactly where. The police started doing DNA checks. Or maybe they just floated that whole spit story to the press in order to scare him into an admission. If it was a bluff, it worked. Once Strauss-Kahn had that knowledge, he could then reason that DNA analysis would turn up an intermingling of his semen and her saliva, so he changed his alibi, pronto, to consensual sex.

"Oh, yes, I just remembered, she did blow me after all! I get so many blow jobs, how can I be expected to remember every one? But, of course, she loved it."

Oops!

If he had tried that excuse from the outset it might have been plausible, but his failure to admit it immediately is damning. Furthermore, information downloaded from the suite door's electronic card reader indicate the maid entered the room and never closed the door. The open door, they say, is proof that the maid entered the room to work, not to engage in consensual sex.

The only thing that now seems to stand between him and a lifetime of incarceration is money. He's a rich, powerful man with rich and powerful friends. Some lawyers are salivating at the prospect of representing the impoverished victim, a single mother from West Africa who lives paycheck-to-paycheck, because her silence is extremely valuable, and a lawyer could claim a big chunk of that negotiation. Police and the DA are doing their best to keep outsiders from contacting her.