Weiner decides to be frank

Weiner decides to be frank

Our short national nightmare is over. Weiner confessed to everything.

Boy, when this guy confesses, he don't fuck around! He not only admitted to everything he was accused of, but he also confessed to all sorts of things nobody ever even suspected. Turns out he kidnapped the Lindbergh baby, paid the rent on bin Laden's hide-out, wrote the script for the Garfield movie, and re-broadcast games without the express written permission of major league baseball. He was even the guy who beat up Dan Rather and said, "Kenneth, what is the frequency?"

Seriously, the Weinergate thing turned out to be just as we expected all along. He tried to send a direct Twitter message to the chick in Seattle and forgot to prefix it with "d." When he realized that he posted it publicly, he panicked, deleted it, and claimed he was hacked.

But I was only partially kidding about his bonus confessions. He admitted to a long history of sexually-oriented online and phone shenanigans over a period of several years, both before and during his marriage.

He also said he had no intention of either resigning or splitting from his wife.