"Steven Seagal killed my puppy"

Steven Seagal "killed my puppy" while breaking up a cockfighting ring

A casualty of hand-to-hand combat? Not hardly.

The Weighty Warrior "and a heavily-armed unit drove a tank through the gates of the property before booting in the front door of the family home."

They must be making those tank hatches extra large these days.

Side note:

All kidding aside, the puppy may or may not have died as a result of the assault, but the accuser's credibility is a bit questionable - "The Hispanic man also denied there was an illegal cockfighting ring at his home, accusing Seagal and his colleagues of killing 100 prize chickens that were being bred for 'show.'"

"Yeah, for show, see. And he killed my puppy, and my wife, Morgan Fairchild. Yeah, that's the ticket."