Romney cruises to Illinois primary win. Newt loses to everyone in the universe, except maybe Carrot Top.

Romney cruises to Illinois primary win

He easily topped Santorum 47-35.

The results represented very bad news for the Newt, who finished with fewer votes than Ed Gein, Rod Blagojevich, Auric Goldfinger, three Kardashians, a pair of Thinsulate gloves and, worst of all, Ron Paul.

Many conservatives are urging Newton to exit the race and stop splitting the anti-Romney vote, but the Big Fig swears he's in it to the bitter end. Jimmy Kimmel suggested that the Republicans should force Newt to marry the race, thus assuring that he would soon leave it.