"the best decisions aren’t made while drunk and at a car wash without a car in the middle of the night"

“We arrived to find intoxicated men putting their clothes back on, and realizing that the best decisions aren’t made while drunk and at a car wash without a car in the middle of the night”

I disagree. Some of the best decisions are made that way. Churchill and Roosevelt planned the D-Day invasion while naked in a car wash, with no vehicle except FDR's wheelchair, which was specially equipped with a waterproof pouch for manly cigars and six quarts of primo tequila.

(In case there was ever any doubt in your mind, it was Churchill who always ate the worm. But in a literal sense, not in the way that Neville Chamberlain ate the worm.)