The real reason why Mitt Romney doesn't want to release his tax returns.

Why Mitt Romney doesn't want to release his tax returns.

Look, you should have stopped harassing him on this point. That forced curious ol' me to hack his accountant's files, and it thus forced me to spoil the world's most important secret.

In his 2007 returns is the following deduction:

$117 million dollars for adding electricity, high-tech weaponry, gadgetry and vehicles to a natural cave hidden under one of his many homes. That entry also included the labor costs, and within that sub-entry was a note that the workers were collected each Monday from various spots around the globe, were flown and driven to the cave blindfolded, slept there during the week, and were returned blindfolded to their homes on Friday.

I saw that and it finally sank in. Of course he can't release his tax returns to the public, for the very same reason his literary alter ego, Bruce Wayne, never released his in the roman-a-clef comics based directly on Mitt's life. If Mitt released his returns, everyone would know that he is Batman.

Don't worry, Mitt. Your secret is safe with me.