Justin Bieber Continues His Spiritual Quest

Future Pope, Rabbi, Lama and Iman Justin Bieber Continues His Spiritual Quest

Ah, what an old soul he is.

In fact, he may be the Chosen One. When the existing Lama passes on, the Biebs may be our guy, the tiny but well-inked spirit to lead us to a new era of enlightenment and love.

I don't know if I ever told you this, but I myself was once almost The Chosen One.

It still hurts to recall that I came so close to being Chosen.

In the 1976 Chosen Guy pageant, I was selected as first runner up, and if anything had happened to him and he had not been able to serve out his term, I would have had to take over his Chosen responsibilities.

Why did I lose? Well, I beat him in the swimsuit competition and we were about even in the evening wear, but he really kicked my ass in the talent competition. His talent was "perfect spiritual purity, and control of all time and space," while I sang a song from Naughty Marietta.

I still think I would have beaten him if I hadn't missed my high note.

Bieber, on the other hand, has no problem with high notes. The kid .. could ... go ... all ... the ... way.