There’s a Tuba Crime Wave Sweeping America
This might call for Trump to release the Strategic Tuba Reserve, which is supposedly kept deep inside a mountain somewhere in the West, free from possible contamination in case of a nuclear attack. Also in that reserve are lederhosen, accordions, and tiny green hats, each with a single feather. In a post-apocalyptic hellscape, we will need oom-pah music to lift our spirits.
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