Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"Hillary Clinton is ending her campaign, but really in the bigger sense it's sad because, think about it, there goes right down the drain the Clinton dream of a being a two-impeachment family." --David Letterman

"Yesterday on the campaign trail, John McCain said that he's in favor of change. That's what he said. McCain said, 'For example, I just switched from Cialis to Viagra.' A real change. Very nicely done." --Conan O'Brien

"Barack Obama reportedly tried to call Hillary Clinton twice last night, and got her voice mail both times. Apparently, Hillary only answers the phone at 3:00 a.m." --Jay Leno

"Oh, and in his speech last night, John McCain said we must get off of fossil fuels. See, that's why a lot of people admire McCain. That's why he's considered such a maverick. Here you have a fossil, coming out against fossil fuel." --Jay Leno

"What a day here in New York City - the weather, it's 71 and hazy, kind of like John McCain." --David Letterman

"Hillary is taking it pretty well, I think. She actually said she's looking forward to spending more time with Chelsea, Bill, and Gina Gershon." --David Letterman

"But, you know, people are now talking about the ticket, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Would that be a good ticket? Would you folks like that ticket? And I think this would be the first, if you think about it, first combination of an African American man and a white woman since, well, Michael Jackson." --David Letterman

"There's been a lot of speculation about John McCain's possible running mate. Experts say he wants someone who's not afraid to attack Barack Obama. That's who he's looking for, yeah. Which explains why McCain has decided to pick Hillary Clinton" --Conan O'Brien

"The good news: the whole voting process ended. The bad news: the 2012 Democratic primary starts on Thursday." --Jay Leno

"John McCain's wife, Cindy McCain, has been taking high-speed driving lessons at the Bob Bondurant Driving School in Phoenix. High-speed driving. Well, that's important. When you're married to a guy as old as McCain, you have to know how to drive an ambulance." --Jay Leno

"And former White House press spokesman Scott McClellan has written a book highly critical of the Bush administration. And while in Utah, President Bush told an audience he has not read McClellan's book. He doesn't plan to read it. It's nothing to do with McClellan, just general principle. It's a book. It's got big words, and not a lot of pictures." --Jay Leno

"You remember a guy named Al Gore? Does that name ring a bell? He was vice president with Bubba for like two terms, eight years. And then he went out and produced that film, the documentary. He had the book and the film 'An Inconvenient Truth,' you know, about the environment and climate change. Won an Academy Award. Won the Nobel Peace Prize. They're turning that, some people in Italy, are turning 'The Inconvenient Truth' into an opera. Are you like me? The first time you saw that movie, you said to yourself, boy, this would be great, if only had it songs? I mean, wow." --David Letterman

"There's a new Vanity Fair article coming out that insinuates, among other things, that he has been canoodling with actress Gina Gershon. Clinton lashed out at the reporter who wrote the story. I guess he's furious about this accusation, in particular, with Gina Gershon, because now he's gonna have to explain it to Megan Fox." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The article also quotes Clinton insiders who claim his personality has changed after he had surgery in 2004, which, I mean, whose personality doesn't change after penis enlargement?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Some other political news, 90-year-old Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia, the longest serving senator in American history, was hospitalized yesterday for a mild infection that they say was causing lethargy and sluggishness. ... They pinpointed the problem, and it turns out he's been dead for more than 22 years" --Jimmy Kimmel

"No, they say McCain does take some medication, including Ambien to help him sleep. But they said he could eliminate the sleeping pills if he picks Mitt Romney as vice president." --Jay Leno