Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"This week, President Obama attended what was either the G-20 summit or his high school reunion. I haven't seen old white dudes this excited about meeting a black guy since Michael Jordan's fantasy camp." --Seth Meyers

"Michelle Obama was photographed in London wearing clothes from J-Crew, the store is selling out of the clothes she's been wearing. Now if someone could just get her to drive a Chrysler." --Seth Meyers

"When the president met with Queen Elizabeth, he presented her with an iPod loaded with Broadway show tunes while she gave him a silver framed picture of her and Prince Phillip. There were no winners in that gift exchange, because when I think of things an 83-year-old, super-rich British woman would want, an iPod is pretty far down the list, right between a bus pass and sneakers with the wheels on the bottom." --Seth Meyers

"And when I think of what a 47-year-old, super-cool black dude would want, a picture of an 83-year-old white lady is last. Now I'm not saying it's easy to buy the Queen a gift. She wears the same outfit every day and her only hobby is waving." --Seth Meyers

"But if you're looking for gift ideas for foreign leaders, you should check with the State Department and not Sasha and Malia. And while we're at it, Queen, a picture of yourself is not a good gift. Let's try to remember, you're world leaders, not Secret Santas." --Seth Meyers

"New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg praised Reverend Al Sharpton, calling him a calming influence on the city. Wow! What are the odds of a city having two reverends named Al Sharpton?" --Seth Meyers

"The pres is beloved in France, where he was hailed as the black Jerry Lewis. He had a town hall meeting there, which a lot of people said was brave. Not for facing the people, but for putting himself in a room full of French people raising their hands." --Bill Maher

" He was the 11th U.S. President Queen Elizabeth has met with, and the first one where she spent the entire meeting clutching her purse." --Bill Maher

"Then it was on to Germany, for Obama. To make him feel at home, the Germans offered to let him fire the CEO of Volkswagen." --Bill Maher

"First Lady Michelle Obama is a huge hit in England. There was a bit of controversy when she put her hand on the Queen's back. The Queen took it as a gesture of friendship, but I think Michelle went a little too far when she tried to feed Camilla a carrot." --Jay Leno

David Letterman's Top Ten Signs Your Kid is in Al Qaeda

• His chemistry tutor? Chemical Ali.
  
• Asks to go to sleepaway camp in Peshawar, Pakistan.
  

"Yesterday, President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama met the Queen of England. As a gift, they gave the Queen an iPod. I guess she can use that while she's jogging. And she likes it. She said it's so much easier to use than that giant boom box she used to carry around." --Jay Leno

"Do you know that over 500 administrative staff members traveled to London with the President? Not for the summit. They just want to be out of the country during tax time." --Jay Leno

"But this is a fascinating story. This C.E.O. at General Motors, largest corporation in the world, most powerful corporation in the world and they said, 'Okay, you know, we'll do business with you guys, but you, take a hike.' But they gave him $20 million to step down. And I'm thinking well, we should have tried that on Bush." --David Letterman

"It was a big day in London. President Obama met Queen Elizabeth and gave her an iPod with 40 Broadway songs loaded on it. Someone needs to tell Barack not all queens like show tunes." --Jimmy Fallon

"Hey, you know that new X-Men movie, 'Wolverine,' that's coming out this summer? The F.B.I. is investigating it. There's an HD version that was leaked online. As soon as the F.B.I. solves the case, they'll get back to looking for bin Laden." --Jimmy Fallon