Other Crap

Tom Cruise rises from the dead.

• He seems to be completely unaffected by his drowning and subsequent resurrection, except for a sudden insatiable appetite for brains.
• Theologians and scientologians are discussing the religious ramifications of the miracle, although scholars at the University of St. Thomas the Apostle are doubtful.
• Meanwhile, George A. Romero is in talks with Cruise about the movie rights.