Other Crap

Tommy, we hardly knew ye: "Americans pay more to know Turkey before eating" (It was the headline writer's decision to capitalize Turkey, but no other words in the sentence. Perhaps it means the country?)

• "Today we come to pay honor to our friend Tom. It seems like just yesterday when he first came into our lives, so proud, so free, the noble descendant of the very turkey eaten by the first Pilgrims so many Autumns ago. A tear stains my cheek when I hear his youthful gobble in my mind's ear. I know he would be pleased to be reunited today with his childhood playmates, Spud the Potato and Spooky the Pumpkin."