Other Crap

The Hitcher, as reviewed by the man who puts the "me" in mise en scene - The Filthy Critic

"If The Hitcher were a person instead of a movie, he'd be an obscenely fat, friendless slob in a greasy T-shirt, underwear with holes in it and stringy thin hair matted on his head. And he'd be watching the 1986 The Hitcher on TNT, conscious enough only to tell people in commercials they were fat, stupid or hot. The only physical exercise he'd get would be putting on some sweatpants so he can drive to Wendy's to buy a Biggie fries and a Biggie Frosty. And he'd be trying to come up with a way to avoid getting dressed. The Hitcher would whistle through his nose when he exhaled, and critique his farting while alone. Which would be almost all the fucking time, because he's so damn unlikable, tiresome, worthless and soul-crushing. If The Hitcher were a person instead of a movie, you'd wish he were dead. See this movie and you'll wish you were.

What a fucking turd. The movie looks as cheap as plywood. The action is paced with no flair or imagination. Worse is that the drama never escalates. Bean proves to be a psychopath ten minutes into the movie and the next 75 are spent watching repetition on that theme. One Finger for The Hitcher.

Maybe it should have just stayed in the basement, watching the original Hitcher on TNT and eating another bag of Cheetos."