Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"Senator Larry Craig's still in the news. ... The airport bathroom where Senator Larry Craig was arrested is now being renovated, and the new bathroom will have stall dividers that go all the way down to the floor. When he heard about the new stall dividers, Senator Craig said, 'It doesn't matter. Love will find a way.'" --Conan O'Brien

President Bush says he's really going to buckle down now and fight global warming. As a matter of fact, he announced today he's sending 20,000 troops to the sun" --David Letterman

"Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has proposed that $5,000 be given to every baby in America at birth. Every baby would get a $5,000 bond. And today, Barack Obama topped that with $6,000 and a year's supply of turtle wax." --Jay Leno

"Here's an interesting story: A man in New York is now suing Home Depot, claiming he became glued to a toilet seat. He was glued to the toilet seat and could not move. Or, as Idaho Senator Larry Craig called it, 'a dream weekend'" --Jay Leno

"A new poll of Democratic voters in Iowa has found that senior citizens prefer Hillary Clinton. Unfortunately for Hillary, the seniors still rank her third behind apple sauce and creamed spinach." --Conan O'Brien

"Sometimes I don't think Congress has America's best interest at heart. For example, when they convene. But every once and a while they pass a bill that restores my faith in the system, like Wednesday's Lieberman-Kyl amendment, which passed by a 76-22 margin and calls on President Bush to declare Iran's Revolutionary Guard a terrorist organization. The president is prosecuting a war on terror. This makes Iran the second front. But not everyone supports our troops enough to give them the job security a war with Iran would provide. People like Senator Jim Webb who voted against the amendment, calling it, 'Dick Cheney's fondest pipe dream.' Well, that is completely unfair. Everyone knows Dick Cheney's fondest pipe dream is driving a bulldozer into the New York Times while drinking crude oil out of Keith Olbermann's skull" --Stephen Colbert