Dave Barry: Shut down by the GOP - 09/02/2008 - MiamiHerald.com

Dave Barry: Shut down by the GOP

"I was hoping to get into the Republican National Convention kickoff party, because I wanted to see the headline band: The Sex Pistols."

"No, I'm kidding. The Sex Pistols aren't really a GOP kind of band, and I think at least one key Pistol is deceased. The band at the Republican kickoff bash here was the Beach Boys. Granted, they are also largely deceased, but they still go around touring as a band consisting of backup musicians and a vial containing several ounces of Brian Wilson's saliva."

"Alaskans actually sign up for a chance to get a road-kill moose. Really. If a state trooper finds a dead moose on the highway, and your name is next on the road-kill-moose list, they call you up, and you can go pick up your moose and take it home and use the head to play a spectacular prank on your house guests. At least that's what I would do. But in Alaska they actually eat it."