Late Night Political Jokes - Late Night Jokes Updated Daily

Late Night Political Jokes Updated

"I thought Obama gave a great speech. But I think he may have promised too much, like when he promised to bring the dog from 'Marley & Me' back to life." --Jay Leno

"And during the inauguration, Washington, D.C., set up prostitution-free zones. Areas where there is no prostitution? Isn't that supposed to be the whole city, huh? I mean, is Washington so corrupt now we just rope off the areas where people actually follow the law?" --Jay Leno

"And Jill Biden, Vice President Joe Biden's wife, slipped on the Oprah Winfrey show when she said, 'Well, you know, Barack Obama actually offered Joe the vice presidency or Secretary of State.' She said she was glad that Joe Biden chose the vice presidency because he would be home with her more often. See, the Secretary of State is out of the country way too much, so Joe Biden went with the vice presidency. His decision led Bill Clinton to say to Joe, 'I owe you, man!' --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama is the new President of the United States, our 44th. As our first African-American president, Obama fulfills the dream of Dr. Martin Luther King, and as our first Hawaiian president, he fulfills the dream of Don Ho." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Former Vice President Cheney was in a wheelchair at the inauguration. His aides say he pulled a muscle while moving boxes yesterday. But I don't know if I believe that. In fact, if you look closely, you can see the reason he's in a wheelchair is because his feet turned back into hooves a day before they were supposed to. That was not as it was agreed upon in the pact." --Jimmy Kimmel

"President Bush said he is leaving Washington with his head held high, because it is the best way to spot shoes that are coming at you." --Jay Leno

"Osama bin Laden has released a new tape where he displays a shortness of breath, and experts say it raises questions about his health. See, that's how you know this war has been going on too long ... when our enemies start dying of natural causes." --Jay Leno

"They're going nuts in Washington, though. For performances by Jon Bon Jovi, Garth Brooks and John Mellencamp. Yeah. So, folks, it really is a new era for African-Americans. All the music they love." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush's farewell speech forced the preemption of the NBC comedy series 'Kath and Kim.'" Presidential historians are calling this Bush's finest achievement." --Jay Leno

"And President Bush said he's gonna live in Dallas when he leaves the White House. And, of course, the community in Dallas is welcoming him. You know, as a president who had a disappointing and horrible year, he'll be named an honorary member of the Dallas Cowboys." --Jay Leno

"By the way, finally some financial good news, good news. The federal deficit will ease up now, because Dick Cheney has to pay for his own health care." --David Letterman

"Big interview with Dick Cheney over the weekend. Dick Cheney said that he's ... actually lovable. Dick Cheney. Actually loveable. I'm thinking about this. It really does melt your heart when he flashes that winning sneer." --David Letterman

"White House decorators are busy right now peeling the glow-in-the-dark stars off the ceiling in the presidential bedroom." --Jimmy Kimmel