Other Crap

Customs officers arrested a 34-year-old Ukrainian man allegedly attempting to cross the Polish border with 121 tortoises.

That must have been the slowest border crossing ever. My grandfather was a tortoise herder (or a "turtle boy," as they were called.) He told me that a long, grueling turtle drive could take six months. And that was just getting them from the house to his car.

And that's assuming there were no rustlers to deal with.

Reminds me of the theme song from the most boring TV show ever:

Crawlin', crawlin', crawlin'
Though the kids are bawlin'
Keep them turtles crawlin'
Shellhide